Cultivating Self-Compassion on Your Journey
I’ve been in the field of therapy for a few years now and have had the profound privilege of walking alongside many clients. I’ve listened to their stories, witnessed their pain, and partnered with them in their journeys toward deeper healing, freedom, and joy.
What we all share in common: Suffering
Although each person’s story is unique, one truth remains the same: we all suffer. Every one of us carries “stuff”: things that hurt us, scare us, fill us with shame, or cause us to question whether we are enough.
Over time, I’ve come to recognize that many of the symptoms, behaviors, and patterns we struggle with are often the body’s way of trying to cope and protect us from difficult early experiences. These well-intentioned responses have served an important purpose, especially during moments of vulnerability in childhood when we lacked the tools or support to fully understand or navigate what was happening.
It’s truly remarkable how God designed us with the ability to adapt, survive, and endure hardship; we truly are beautifully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He created us to be resilient and capable, equipping us with what we need to face life’s challenges, even in the most difficult circumstances. However, when we experience deep wounds, especially during seasons when we are defenseless, our young bodies and limited minds begin working overtime to protect us. What is so hard is that because we are so young, our minds nearly always come up with less-than-ideal solutions for our situations. We may avoid intimacy, withdraw in conflict, or act out in anger or self-harm. Some people shut down and stop speaking up for fear of creating more tension. Others find themselves caught in patterns of addiction that lead to consequences in their physical health, relationships, and sense of self. All of these responses, while understandable, can start to interfere with the lives we long to live. They can create distance in our relationships and often leave us feeling stuck in cycles of shame, guilt, fear, and self-criticalness Eventually, for many of us, self-criticalness becomes the default in our thinking, often leading to bouts of anxiety and depression because we so rarely live up to our unrealistic ideals.
But what if we could respond differently? What if we could learn to listen to our pain, to understand where it came from, and to respond to ourselves in ways that bring healing instead of harm?
One vital step in this process is learning and cultivating self-compassion.
What Is Self-Compassion?
It helps to start with what self-compassion is not. It is not self-pity, self-indulgence, or avoiding responsibility. It is not “letting ourselves off the hook.” According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in this area, self-compassion has three components:
1. Mindfulness – Being aware of and accepting our suffering without minimizing ore xaggerating it.
2. Common Humanity – Recognizing that suffering is part of being human. Everyone makesmistakes, feels pain, and struggles. We are not alone.
3. Self-Kindness – Responding to ourselves with warmth, care, and patience, especially when we fall short or feel overwhelmed.
Self-compassion allows us to face our pain with honesty and courage.
It helps us take responsibility not through punishment or self-hate, but through love and grace. It invites us to treat ourselves the way we would treat a close friend who is struggling. When we grow in healthy self-compassion towards ourselves, life gets so much richer not only for us, but for those closest to us as well.
A Biblical Perspective on Self-Compassion
Although the term self-compassion may not appear explicitly in the Bible, the theme of compassion runs deeply throughout Scripture and is central to God’s character. God is described as “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Psalm 86:15). We are reminded that “His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22–23). And just “as a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him” (Psalm 103:13). Those are deep truths to treasure about the God who loves us so much.
Because we are made in His image, we are also called to embody this same spirit of compassion; not only toward others, but also toward ourselves. Scripture urges us, as God's chosen and beloved people, to “put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness,and patience” (Colossians 3:12), and to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). These qualities are not just for us to practice toward others, but toward ourselves as well.
Jesus reinforced this idea when He taught that we are to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark12:31). This command implies that loving ourselves is not only permitted; it is essential! If we are called to treat others with patience, kindness, and forgiveness, then we must also learn to offer those same graces inwardly. The compassion God extends to us is not meant to stop with us; it flows through us, beginning with how we view and treat ourselves.
Consider David, the shepherd boy anointed to be king of Israel. His life was marked by incredible highs and painful lows, seasons of great triumph and moments of deep failure. Throughout the Psalms, David reveals a heart that is raw and honest before God. He cries out in fear, confesses sin, and longs for restoration.
In Psalm 51, following a devastating failure, David prays for forgiveness.
“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”
David doesn’t excuse his sin, nor does he wallow in shame. Instead, he brings his brokenness to God with humility and trust. This is a powerful model of compassionate accountability. He acknowledges the wrong, but he does so within the safety of God’s mercy and love.
It’s not self-condemnation that leads to healing; it is self-awareness met with divine compassion.
Even Jesus Himself modeled a life of compassion toward others and toward His own humanity. He withdrew to rest when He was weary (Mark 6:31), wept at the tomb of a friend (John 11:35),and poured out His heart in prayer when burdened with anguish (Luke 22:44). Though fully divine, Jesus did not ignore His human needs. He treated others with tenderness and truth, and He honored the emotional and physical limits of His earthly body. If Jesus, the very embodiment of love and compassion, cared for Himself with gentleness and intention, how much more are we invited to do the same?
So when we talk about self-compassion, again, we are not talking about something indulgent or self-centered. We are talking about a Christlike posture that aligns our hearts with the heart of God. It is a spiritual practice of treating ourselves with the same grace, kindness, and mercy that God offers us daily and that He asks us to extend to ourselves and to others.
Paths to Greater Self-Compassion
Gratefully, there are well-tread paths for us to follow to grow in the grace of self-compassion. As I pointed out, there are countless verses, when we are looking for them, that point us towards greater self-compassion. Taking time to meditate on verses like those mentioned above can enable compassion to sink more deeply into our souls, enabling us to be more compassionate with ourselves and others Explicitly asking God to help us receive His compassion and grow in extending compassion to ourselves on a daily basis, even multiple times a day, is another proven method to slowly heal and grow. Intentionally pursuing healthy friendships with mature believers is another vital path to slowly growing in self-compassion, as we slowly let ourselves receive the grace that comes through the friendships.
The tricky thing for many of us, though, is that if we have grown up experiencing abuse or neglect, even in what feels like small amounts, self-criticalness has often become deeply entrenched, “second nature”, if you will, and is often really tough to overcome on our own.
This is where godly therapy can provide a real boost to actively help people turn the tide from legalistic self-criticalness to gracious self-compassion.
Therapy and Self-Compassion
Honestly, you don’t have to remain stuck in the wounds of the past- the places where shame, anger, guilt, and pain reside. Instead, you are invited to step deeply into the mercies of God that are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). This is the heart of the healing journey. Therapy can be a sacred space where that journey begins. It offers the opportunity to walk alongside someone who will help carry the weight of your story with gentleness and compassion. In that space, you can begin to look at your experiences through the lens of grace, understanding, and truth, and begin to accept and love yourself right where you are.
Self-compassion is not a quick fix. It is a daily practice; a way of showing up for yourself with kindness, especially when the old patterns resurface. When we meet the parts of us that feel stuck with compassion instead of judgment, we begin to create space for healing, growth, and movement. Over time, this practice transforms us.
Based on my personal and professional experience, we truly begin not just to survive, but to thrive; growing into a life where love, freedom, and responsibility flourish in more and more meaningful and beautiful ways. A life rooted in grace, and shaped by a deeper awareness of God’s compassion for others and for ourselves.
If you find yourself consistently losing in the battle towards greater self-compassion, please consider reaching out to me or anyone on our team for help. There is real hope for a richer life .I promise.
May God, help you continue to grow in receiving His love, and become more of who He has called you to be.