Lessons from The Bachelorette

What’s Love Got to do with It?

"If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love." -Amy Carmichael

Galatians 5:13: "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love."

SPOILER WARNING If you haven’t seen the latest season of The Bachelorette and want to avoid spoilers, stop reading now!

Getting Drawn into the Drama

I’ll admit, I’m not usually the type to get invested in a show like The Bachelorette. But my boyfriend’s family takes it seriously, so I obliged—especially since family time and good home cooking were hard to resist.

Though I don’t love the show's premise, I found myself getting drawn into the drama as it unfolded. It was difficult not to get emotionally invested in the people and their stories. However, the most profound takeaways for me came not from entertainment but from the sadness and emptiness I saw in the face of the bachelorette herself at the conclusion of the show.

A Heartbreaking Finale

In the season finale of The Bachelorette, Jenn Trann sat on a couch, draped in what was undoubtedly an expensive dress, fully glammed up, with tears streaming down her face. After a long journey in search of love, she made a bold declaration: she was done letting someone else choose, and would begin choosing herself. With that, she abandoned the tradition of the woman being proposed to, at some level took over, and presumptively proposed to the man she believed would always choose her in return. The live audience erupted in applause, celebrating her "bravery" and "boldness." But as I watched, I couldn’t help but feel a deep ache for her.

The world cheered her on, celebrating her decision as an act of empowerment, but all I could see was a woman lost in the world’s idea of self-worth. Behind the glittering makeup and designer dress was a deep sadness, a sense of brokenness that no amount of applause could heal.

The World’s Empty Promises

Choosing oneself, while celebrated in our culture in so many different ways, is essentially a temporary balm for a much deeper wound. Jenn’s tears tell that story—one of disappointment, longing, and the painful realization that self-love simply can’t fill the void in the way the world defines it. The cheers of the audience faded into the background as I watched her sit there, utterly alone, in the very moment that was supposed to mark her triumph. What society labeled as strength seemed, to me, like a surrender to the lie that we can fix our brokenness by moving towards self-reliance.

I couldn’t help but think how the very act that was meant to empower her might actually leave her more isolated than ever before. The world’s version of "choosing yourself" often sets you on a lonely path, convincing you that in prioritizing your own desires, you will find happiness. But Jenn’s tears were a stark reminder that this is far from the truth.

Jenn had shared earlier about her past toxic relationships, where she often felt like she was the only one giving. It’s no wonder that she saw "choosing herself" as the answer, the key to finally finding freedom. But as I watched her, it was clear that this decision would only lead to more pain and heartbreak. The world constantly preaches the same message: "Love yourself more! It’s all about you! You deserve better!" And while this may sound empowering on the surface, it’s a shallow remedy that simply can’t fill our deepest longings.

A Radical Love: The Cross vs. The World

As Jenn embraced this worldly wisdom, I found myself reflecting on a radically different kind of love—the love I see at the cross. In a world where the elevation of self is undeniably celebrated, the life of Jesus tells an entirely different story—one of surrender, humility, and sacrificial love.

Through the Gospels, I see a Savior who, though He had every right to remain on His heavenly throne, chose to step down into a broken and hurting world. He traded divine majesty for the frailty of human flesh, entering the world not with grandeur but with the quiet humility of a baby born in a stable surrounded by dirt and farm animals.

Jesus wasn’t interested in applause or recognition from humans; He wasn’t seeking validation or approval from people.  He wanted to please His Father above all. And His mission on our behalf was stunning: : to give Himself for us. To love us so completely that He was willing to lay down His life, even for those who would reject and betray Him. The people who cried "Crucify Him" were the very ones He came to save, and His response was not anger or bitterness but love—love so deep that He willingly died on the cross, bearing the weight of their sins and ours.

This self-giving love of Christ stands in stark contrast to the message of the world’s narrative of "choosing yourself." While the world tells us to prioritize our own desires, and to love ourselves above all, Jesus shows us that by being intimately connected to His Father, the ultimate source of  love-the love that heals and transforms-we are positioned to love and serve as Jesus loves, in ways that fills others up and doesn’t leave us empty.  When we are receiving from God, we can give in ways we never could on our own. 

This is where the world deceives us. It whispers that choosing ourselves, putting our desires first, and indulging in what we want is the path to fulfillment. "Honor your wishes," it says. "You deserve it!" But beneath the surface, it leads us down a path that doesn’t deliver on its promises. Instead of leading to freedom, it leads to pain, darkness, and emptiness.

The True Lessons from The Bachelorette: A Call to Look Beyond Ourselves

In the end, Jenn’s journey mirrors the struggle we all face—whether to follow the world’s path of selfish ambition or to embrace the truth that real freedom and joy come receiving God’s love and generously sharing it.  Jenn’s tears, and the crumbling of her relationship, are a reminder that the world’s promise of fulfillment through self-love is ultimately a lie.

True love isn’t about choosing yourself—it’s about connecting deeply with the ultimate source of love and ultimately in being willing to lay yourself down for the sake of others. As Jesus said in John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." That’s where we find real fulfillment, and that’s the kind of love that transforms our lives and others.

 Mental Health Connection

In the world of mental health, it’s common to hear advice about "choosing yourself" and "loving yourself more," which isn’t entirely wrong. There is value in self-compassion, but true healing comes from understanding where our true worth lies and what love really looks like.

1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” In therapy as well, I often see how self-focused narratives lead to deeper pain. The more we believe the lie that "choosing ourselves" from a place of self-reliance will make everything better, the more we drift from the genuine connection and the peace we long for.

Self-love, in its healthiest form, roots us in the truth of who we are as loved and cherished by God. It’s in deeply receiving the love and grace of God, and in learning to love others in meaningful ways that we find the wholeness we truly seek.

Jenn’s tears weren’t just the result of a broken relationship; they were the reflection of a heart that had bought into the lie that loving yourself above all else is the answer. As we navigate our own journeys, may we learn from Jenn’s story. Choosing ourselves won’t heal our deepest wounds, but receiving and embracing the love of Christ— self-giving, sacrificial, and full of grace—can.

Rooting Your Worth in Christ

As we've explored through Jenn’s story and the contrast between the world’s message of self-love and the sacrificial love of Christ, the question emerges: How can we root our worth in Christ and not in the fleeting validation the world offers?

Here are some practical ways to start:

1. Spend Time in God’s Word

The Bible is filled with reminders of who we are in Christ. When we immerse ourselves in God’s Word, we begin to understand our true identity as beloved children of God (I John 3:1, Romans 8:15-16).

2. Meditate on God’s Promises

Our worth in Christ is unshakable, not based on our performance or how others see us. Meditating on His promises—like Romans 8:38-39, which tells us that nothing can separate us from the love of God—grounds us in eternal truths rather than temporary feelings or situations.

3. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude pulls us away from comparison and the need for worldly approval. By thanking God for His grace, we remind ourselves that our worth is found in His love, not in our accomplishments or how others perceive us.

4. Serve Others

True fulfillment comes not from elevating ourselves, but from following Christ’s example of servanthood. Mark 10:45 says, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve." When we serve others, we not only reflect Christ’s love but also shift our focus from inward self-seeking to outward expressions of care and compassion. In serving others, we are living out the truth that our worth comes from being created and loved by God.

5. Seek God’s Approval, Not Man’s

The world constantly bombards us with messages about how we should look, behave, and succeed. But Galatians 1:10 reminds us that our goal is to please God, not people: "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." When we shift our focus to seeking God’s approval, as Jesus did, we gradually free ourselves from the exhausting cycle of chasing worldly recognition and discover the peace that comes from knowing we are already fully accepted in Him.

6. Engage in Prayer and Reflection

Prayer is the lifeline that connects us to God. Through prayer, we can pour out our hearts, confess our fears and insecurities, and work to receive  His guidance and love.

7. Surround Yourself with Christ-Centered Community

The company we keep, especially over time, can deeply influence how we see ourselves and how we engage in the world. In community, we can receive and give love in ways that reflect God’s heart, building each other up in truth and grace.

Conclusion

Jenn was right about one thing: she absolutely had worth. Every one of us does. We are all created in the image of God, and because of that, we have inherent value. But unfortunately, Jenn, like so many others, went about declaring her worth in the wrong way. She sought to define her worth by choosing herself, by prioritizing her desires and feelings over everything else. While the world may applaud that approach, it ultimately leaves us empty because our true worth can never be found in fleeting moments of self-gratification or worldly applause.

The truth is, our worth is not something we have to chase; it is something that has already been given to us—freely, without conditions—by the One who laid down His life for us. In Christ, our identity is secure, and our value is fixed. We don’t have to earn it or prove it through success, relationships, or achievements. Jesus has already declared that we are worthy, not because of anything we’ve done, but because of who He is and what He’s done for us.

When, over time, we increasingly root our worth in Christ, we begin to see ourselves through His eyes—as beloved children, cherished and valuable beyond measure. It might sound outlandish, but it can actually happen.  We are then increasingly free from the exhausting pursuit of self-validation because we know that we are already enough in Him. We no longer need to relentessly seek approval from others or chase after temporary pleasures to feel good about ourselves. Instead, we can rest in the unchanging and infinite love of God.

As you navigate your own journey, I encourage you to seek your identity and value in the One who calls you His own. In a world that constantly pushes us to prove ourselves, remember that your worth isn’t tied to what you achieve or how others perceive you. It’s rooted in Christ, the One who gave His life for you.