The Wonder of Service and the Ensnaring Power of Lies

A Transformative Journey. 

Several months into my recovery from an eating disorder, I began volunteering at an assisted living facility. One day, I vividly recall crying on my way there, feeling incredibly uncomfortable in my own body and overwhelmed by negative self-talk. When I arrived, I sat in my car, forcing a smile until I was confident no one could tell I had been crying. As I walked into the facility, mentally degrading myself for what I had eaten for lunch, I ran into Bob.

Discovering Joy Through Service and Connection  A Transformative Journey 

Bob was in his 80s and had just received a new used iPhone. He sat me down and asked for my help to “understand this impossible contraption.” I walked Bob through the basics, and he caught on quickly. Then he discovered FaceTime. To demonstrate this magic, I sent Bob to another area where he couldn't see me and instructed him to hit the FaceTime button once he was out of sight. I wish I could show you the joy on Bob’s face when he saw me on his iPhone screen. He ran (as fast as an 80+ year-old man can run) back to me, still on FaceTime, exclaiming he never knew that was possible.

We practiced FaceTiming several more times from different spots, and Bob couldn’t help but excitedly shared his new discovery with everyone at the facility. It was a moment I will never forget for a few reasons: the joy on Bob’s face was like a child opening his most requested Christmas present, and I realized, as I walked back to my car, that somehow my worries and criticalness about myself had faded into the background. I had shifted from panicking and agonizing about my appearance to caring and laughing with Bob as he discovered FaceTime.

The Essence of True Humility

Timothy Keller once said, “The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less." In moments like these, surrounded by wrinkled hands and wobbly knees, I realized the truth of this. I felt most humble and connected to my true life’s purpose in sharing the love of God when I wasn't thinking of myself at all.

Healing Beyond Body and Food

I tell you this story to hopefully give you a smile and lighten your heart, and to emphasize the reality that healing from negative body image and a poor relationship with food is both about your body and food and, yet somehow also is not at all about your body and food. To heal, we must realize that our bodies are truly not the most important thing about who we are.

Stunning Life Lessons from Volunteering

Something else I learned while volunteering at this assisted living facility, particularly in the memory care unit, that sounds simple but hit me profoundly, was that the person you spend your days being (e.g., the things you think about, the ways you interact with people, the things you do or don’t do) deeply forms the person you will become. The memory care unit was filled with residents who suffered from dementia and other memory issues. They struggled to remember anything in their present time, yet, to my shock and even dismay, many of the women in this unit would tell me they couldn’t eat dessert because they were trying to lose weight, that they needed to walk a bit more in order to eat dinner, that they would pass on the meal and simply have a salad. Women who could not remember me from one day to the next would remember the belief that their body was something they had to change.  I still struggle to accept how their critical and life-draining views of their bodies, formed and nurtured likely decades earlier, still held them hostage from enjoying the small pleasures that life still offered.

Choosing Freedom Now

Watching this forged in me a deep desire to not keep living in the bondage of disordered eating and body image struggles. I did not want to be a 94-year-old woman saying no to ice cream to lose some weight. And I knew that in order to be free at 94, I had to start choosing freedom now.  I had to figure out and break free from the lies I was believing about my body and my worth. 

Life is moving on. Each day, we get a bit older, a bit closer perhaps to a memory care unit or a retirement home. So, we must ask ourselves who we want to be at the end of our lives.

Is a Smaller Body Worth a Smaller Life?

Is a smaller body worth the smaller life that comes with it? I have seen clients of all different body sizes attempt to shrink their bodies, and every time they do this through extreme diets and intense workout regimens, their lives begin to shrink as well. The scale may go down, but ironically, and tragically, so does their joy. They believe the lie that the number on the scale is directly proportional to the happiness in their lives. They buy into the falsehoods that the beauty industry sells us.

Sadly, when someone is wrestling with disordered eating and body image struggles, the number on the scale will never be enough. The days you once enjoyed become days of endless pain and struggle. The thing you thought you controlled is now the thing controlling your life. Every decision you make is no longer your own but dictated by the number on the scale, the macros you've eaten, and the calories you've burned.

Embrace Your True Worth Resources to Help with Your Relationship with Food and Your Body

Weight loss will never be enough if your relationship with food and your body is not healthy. Your weight is not the problem; it's the lies you believe about your weight and your worth. I beg you, please don't waste your life in a constant war with yourself and your body. You are meant for more. Your life is meant to be lived, not spent battling to reach a certain number or clothing size. Your worth can never and was never meant to be determined by a number.  I believe our true worth comes through receiving the deep and abiding love of God (consider Romans 5:17, Eph. 1:4-5), who loves us know matter what we weigh, how we look, or how others view us. As we grow in receiving our worth in God, we are slowly set free from the hold lies have over us.

Resources to Help with Your Relationship with Food and Your Body

If you find yourself struggling with your relationship with food and your body, I strongly believe the books listed below will help as you thoughtfully take them in. 

Books have their role of course, all right thenbut sometimes we need a conversation, or even more so, a caring relationship with an experienced guide.  Gratefully, I am far enough along in my journey and training to walk with people towards greater freedom and fullness.  If you live in Ilinois, please feel free reach out to me if you think having someone to talk to about these struggles would be helpful. I know recovery is hard and can be very lonely. I would love to support you as you rediscover the joys of spontaneous ice creams and curling up with a good book.

● Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer

● 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder by Carolyn Costin and Gwen Schubert Grabb

● Just Eat It by Laura Thomas

● Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

● Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight by Linda Bacon